Today we’re discussing relationships, but more specifically relationship relationships in recovery. I asked it as you read this. You reflect on personal experiences. We will be discussing specifically how addiction affects relationships, as well as how recovery gives us a chance to rebuild. It is extremely important that we have conversations around what healthy relationships look like, especially because many of us unfortunately have not experienced them in our lifetime. For the majority of us to struggle with addiction, our relationships have been riddled with trauma loss, grief, and more. This is why it’s important to discuss this today.
First, let’s discuss how addiction impacts relationships. Addiction can bring things to a relationship like broken trust, emotional inconsistency, manipulation or secrecy, codependency, and even isolation from healthy people. We hear Believe Detox Center actually specialize in helping couples that may be struggling with addiction at the same time. That being said in full transparency, we have seen these things consistently when it comes to couples that are struggling with addiction.
Some things that we do while struggling with addiction when it comes to relationships is loving people while hurting them. Many of us also staying unhealthy relationships out of fear, anxiety, and more. Also a confusing intensity with love can be experienced. I ask as your reading this, in this moment what do relationships look like during active use? Have you been there before? How have you experienced substances affecting communication? What patterns kept repeating? In the article by “All Points North”, healthy intimacy during relationships is discussed and I recommend giving it a read. I’ll include the link below.
We discussed what an unhealthy relationship can look like in recovery but what does a healthy relationship look like? Addiction center wrote an intriguing article about healthy relationships in recovery of which I’ll include the link.
It really goes into depth, but here I’ll list some of the core qualities of healthy relationships overall. Emotional safety, mutual respect, honesty and accountability, consistency over intensity and a relationship where boundaries are respected are all core qualities. It’s important to reframe certain things because sometimes healthy can look boring, and sometimes calm can look like a lack of connection, but it’s not, it’s balance, it’s peace, it’s relationship.
In recovery, healthy relationships support sobriety, they don’t threaten it. They allow space for growth, encourage responsibility, not rescue and more. Overall, a healthy relationship is a place where you can grow and thrive and ultimately reach the goals that you have established for yourself when it comes to your journey. That being said, what does healthy mean to you today, not in the past, right now, and not just pertaining to relationships but you overall.
A few more things I should definitely discuss are things like boundaries. I believe boundaries are the backbone of healthy relationship relationships. Clear limits that protect your recovery are key. Boundaries do not represent punishments or walls. Some examples of healthy boundaries are saying no without over explaining. Taking space when emotions run high, not engaging in manipulation or guilt in protecting meeting time therapy and self-care. Boundaries can feel hard sometimes because they can lead to a fear of rejection, people pleasing, guilt or shame, and even pass trauma on. What boundaries have helped your recovery? Also wear some areas that you’re struggling to establish boundaries?
In terms of unhealthy relationship patterns to watch for I’ll list these… being someone’s everything is a red flag, emotional volatility, control disguised as concern, and even pressure to move fast are all signs to ring the alarm. Also, I can’t forget disrespect for sobriety or boundaries. Some common recovery traps are replacing substances with people using relationship relationships to avoid feelings and staying to avoid being alone. What warning signs have you ignored before? What does your body tell you when something isn’t healthy?
When it comes to rebuilding trust and communication, consistent actions are key. It takes time and accountability. Owning mistakes without defensiveness is powerful. Healthy communication looks like listening without planning a response, expressing needs calmly and taking responsibility instead of blaming. When it comes to accomplishing this type of communication, I always say pause before reacting. Ask for clarity instead of assuming and take breaks when overwhelmed. What helps you when it comes to communication?
As I bring this to a close, you don’t need perfect relationships to stay sober, just honest ones. I encourage self compassion, which means learning, healthy relationships take practice and mistakes don’t mean failure. That being said, a healthy affirmation to practice going forward is that healthy relationships grow along side recovery not ahead of it. If you need support, please don’t hesitate to give us a call today at 818-942-4509 and remember we help couples that are struggling at the same time with addiction because we want both of you to be successful going forward.